Grantbook and signs of burnout before the 🔥

SOULLABOUREMPLOYMENTPARENTINGREFLECTION

2018 was a difficult year in so many respects. The stress reached a crescendo resulting primarily from a unbelievably poorly managed work environment. The domestic front was, believe it or not, getting much better after I announced my departure from Grantbook in September 2018. Grantbook needed to manage the so-called “optics” of my departure given prior managing directors’ were ousted in 2017 and 2018 respectively, both of whom were absolute rare gems. There was also a car accident that nearly ended my family’s life, and my then partner and I helped my parents move homes to lend us a hand with our then toddler (now preschooler 🎉).

Let’s just say everything came to a head in December 2018.

The signs of a proper fire

My online “persona” on Twitter is generally what I’ve heard called the “prowling” type, aka listening most of the time, and weighing in occasionally. Boring…, yawn 😴.

Twitter wants whacky quips, comedy, fun, wit, smart succinctness (brevity), etc. Party hats basically.

Since I had just left Grantbook, I thought I’d try to give it ☝ a try starting in January 2019. To the alarm of many people, including my family, this wasn’t a good move. Yikes!

Yes, it’s true, some tweets were inappropriate however, we’re talking one platform on the world wide web. The copy is kinda contained. It’s easy to nuke all your tweets if you wanted to, after you create a backup. In fact, I’m slowly going through my Twitter autobiography and making strategic deletes. General clean-up until I have a more clear picture about what’s coming up next.

The scorching 🌶

Here’s my fire in all its modest glory.

Hmm… 🤔, fire you ask?

Yeah, my Twitter timeline was a bit bonkers between January and April 2019, plus Tumblr, and a teeny tiny bit of LinkedIn.

Moar on this another day if possible.

The signs of burnout and the risks of ignoring them

If you had spoken with my family doctor over the course of 2018, she would inform you if she could that my decision to leave Grantbook was a recurring theme all year. I kept bringing it up almost from the start of 2018 every time I met. Things were bad at work.

Throughout the year my then partner suggested on a number of occasions the idea of taking leave from work. That was easier said than done. It’s like an abusive relationship. You typically can’t get out of it in one minute flat. In hindsight I ought to have taken the option of a few weeks leave with a doctor’s note or something. Maybe things at Grantbook would be just fine without me, as I’m sure it is, right now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

For obvious societal reasons I couldn’t just pull the plug 🔌 on a 6+ year long employment relationship especially now that I had a little one to be mindful of and be responsible for. My decison to leave Grantbook was by no means an easy, nor a light decision. Lots and lots of hours and discussion, and angst went into my informing my team that I had decided to move on. Not to another job, however, just a graceful exit with as light a footprint as possible. This is easy to corroborate.

Why? That’s a separate blog post which I hope to get to for no other reason than establishing closure for myself and maybe for a few former co-workers and client collaborators.

I’ve already made my peace with everything that happened these last few years in my life. Thankfully, there are way too many joys to list. Yet, there are a few sorrows that persist. One of those happens to be Grantbook and the proverbial bus. Not being hit by it, but being thrown under it, and regrettably, not once or twice. Chronic abuse of power comes to mind!

😡 Grrr… 🐈

I want to assure everyone who knows me and has gotten this far in the post, that…

1) Don’t worry.

2) Things are much better already. Thank you for all your kind gestures, emails, visits and no doubt, positive thoughts.

3) I’ve been through and have navigated past much worse in my past lives. Not saying it was “easy”, just not as bad.

4) Yep ☝, 🙄, this one life of mine!

5) It’s lovely to be aging in some ways! Things don’t phase you as much. Who woulda thunk⁉

Point 5 is legitimately nice. Hopefully there’s a vaccine for ageism and related horror stories!


Photo by David Pisnoy on Unsplash